T2+Writing+Explanation

=**Explanation Writing Sample Term 2 2010**=

** ** My learning goal is to have a variety of sentence structures and Evaluate on my ideas. ** || 2. What are the very first signs of hypothermia? 3. What are the very last stage of hypothermia? 4. Why does hypothermia occur? 5. What are the worst effects of hypothermia/frostbite? |||| The first signs of hypothermia are: Uncontrollable shivering, Slowed breathing and heart rate, Weakness and loss of coordination. When hypothermia is in the late, more severe stages, you begin to feel drowsy, hallucinate, have amnesia like symptoms be quite irrational and have a very poor judgement, you can even have dilated pupils without even knowing that your cold. Frostbite usually occurs right along with hypothermia. ||
 * ** My writing is called Hypothermia and frostbite **
 * It is an Explanation writing
 * **My Questions** |||| **My Research** ||
 * 1. Why does frostbite occur?
 * **Planning my Writing** ||
 * L.I. To write an explanation using correct structure and language features.

S.C. 1.) I can see and point out my Title, Statement or Question, Sequence, and Conclusion. 2.) I can identify good use of actions verbs, technical terms, present tense and adverbial phrases. 3.) My writing follows a logical sequence to explain how/why 4.) I have used correct spelling, punctuation and grammar in my explanation. || **Purpose/Audience Hikers + Adventurers

Content & Ideas • I am writing about how and why hypothermia / frostbite occurs. ** • All of my writing needs to link to avoiding hypothermia. • I can elaborate on hiking health assistance.
 * Explanation Sequence

Structure/Organisation Statement/question 1. Signs and symptoms of hypothermia 2. Frostbite 3. What you can do to prevent frostbite 4. What to do when your experiencing major hypothermia. Language Features

Grammar

Punctuation

Spelling** ||
 * **Hypothermia and frostbite.**


 * Prevention of Hypothermia**

Hypothermia is often downplayed or underrated, that way many people don't know what to do in hypothermic situations. There have been countless deaths due to poor preparation for cold weather conditions.

Hypothermia is a condition, that without being treated immediately can be very serious and in allot of situations, deadly. The first and best way to help prevent hypothermia is to know when its happening so you can help yourself, preparation is everything. When in a hypothermic state, the body begins to uncontrollably shiver, trying to warm the body, your breathing and heart rate begin to drastically slow and your body will begin to feel very weak. Those are some of the first stages of hypothermia, when the cold spreads through the body, some of the symptoms become much more severe, including hallucinations, amnesia like symptoms and frostbite.

Frostbite is one of the worse symptoms of hypothermia you can get. Frostbite occurs when the blood vessels to your body parts constrict in inclement conditions so all your blood can go to your heart and other vital organs. The lack of blood to your other body parts, will result in frozen body parts. When you have frozen body parts, you have trouble sometimes resulting in things like loss of and in the most severe cases amputation. One of the main problems when someone has frostbite is they try and thaw it out, while it is a very high possibility that it will refreeze, and that will result in amputation no doubt. The best way to avoid frostbite is to seek professional help ASAP.

In conclusion, hiking and other activities including cold weather conditions, can be very very dangerous if you don't have the right survival equipment and know-how. So when hiking, you must be very careful, stay warm and have a way to contact professional help when your in trouble.

||^  || I have used a variety of sentence structures and evaluated on my ideas. ** ||
 * ** I achieved my goal because:

 Anthony you have begun this piece of writing well, however I would have expected more information on The Prevention of Hypothermia as this is what your title suggests e.g. types of clothing needed and why or types of safety equipment and why. This type of information would follow nicely after your paragraph on frostbite (not just a brief conclusion). Other than this you have clearly followed an explanation structure, used a variety of sentences and have good use of grammar and punctuation.
 * Teacher Comment **


 * Self & Peer Assessment**
 * CATEGORY || **Level 1** || **Level 2** || **Level 3** || **Level 4** ||
 * **Purpose & Audience** || I write for myself. I have tried to explain a simple idea. || I know I am writing for an audience. I have explained a simple idea well. || I know I am writing for a an audience and I have made some good choices with my content, language and writing style. || I know I am writing for a an audience and I have made a number of good choices with my content, language and writing style. ||
 * **Structure** || I have some good sentences, most of my facts are written in the order that I learnt them. || I have used simple factual statements about my topic. || I have tried to sequence my explanation it is mostly in a logical order (introduction, body, conclusion). I have used some sectioning or paragraphing and link main ideas together. || I have sequenced my explanation logically (introduction, body, conclusion). I use sectioning or paragraphing and link main ideas together. ||
 * **Ideas & Content** || I have written about my personal experience about what happened or how something works. I have included some statements that are unrelated e.g. I like rocks. || I have identified what happened or how something works using simple language. I have included some statements that are unrelated e.g. I like rocks. || I have clearly identified what happened or how something works. Most of my writing is relevant to my topic. My writing is a straightforward sequence of why/how things happen or work || I have clearly identified what happened or how something works. All of my writing is relevant to my topic. My writing elaborates on ideas and/or includes reasons for why/how things happen or work. ||
 * **Language Features** || I have used some language related to my topic and lots of high frequency words I know. I have used simple, factual and some descriptive language. I have used mostly simple sentences. || I have used some language related to my topic. I have used language to tell how it is or happens but have used present tense. I have used mostly simple and compound sentences with some changes in my sentence beginnings. || I have used language related to my topic. I have used language to tell how it is or happens but have mostly used present tense. I have used a variety of sentence structures, beginnings and lengths for effect. || I have used technical language. I have consistently used precise, descriptive, factual language and correct timeless tense. I have used a variety of sentence structures, beginnings and lengths for effect. ||
 * **Grammar** || I have used mostly simple sentences and some compound sentences. Sometimes it is tricky to read what I have written. || I have mostly used correct grammar with writing simple and compound sentences. || I have used most grammatical conventions correctly when writing simple, compound and some complex sentences. || I have used most grammatical conventions accurately when writing simple, compound and complex sentences. ||
 * **Spelling** || I have attempted to spell words using sounds and patterns, it is hard read some of the words. || I have attempted to spell words using sounds and patterns. || I have spelt most key content words and high frequency words correctly. || I have spelt most key content words and high frequency words correctly. ||
 * **Punctuation** || I do not have very much punctuation and need lots of support/reminding from a buddy or teacher. || I have used some punctuation like capitals and full stops but I need support/reminding from a buddy or teachers. || I have punctuated most of my work by myself using capitals, full stops & commas. || I have used capitals, full stops and commas with consistency. ||